How many times have you heard from the experts in relationships that you have to take different approaches and actions in order to make different results?
So you do that. You practice being vulnerable. You practice listening. You practice being non-judgmental.
Has it worked? Wait, let me clarify. Has it worked long term?
I am convinced that we all can have the relationships of our dreams – personal as well as professional, animate and inanimate, physical and spiritual, if we’re willing to look more closely at some seemingly invisible reasons that block and fail us.
How? We find and release the beliefs (long held decisions that play out over and over) that get in the way.
I speak from experience because I’ve had two engagements fail, several small businesses peeter out, several career changes, friends stop talking to me, even relatives taking liberal pot shots at my expense, all because of my limiting self-esteem and relationship beliefs.
After eliminating them I found and married Randy, to whom I will be married 25 years. I’ve been coaching and offering workshops on how to take care of yourself, inside first, for a decade now.
People who know me are intrigued with my abilities to see energy, build relationships and enjoy my company.
So I’m willing to share a bit of myself to show you what I mean.
You're a Particle in the Field of Life!
First, to set the scenario, here’s a bit about field and particle to explain the process.
When you sit in your own mud puddle, you can’t see what else is around you.
So the outer field is a bigger version (reflection) of sitting in your own crap (puddle) and you can’t get out of it.
It takes someone else to show you, talking, bringing awareness to what is out there that may be the clue to what is inside as your perceptions.
You can bring awareness from shifting yourself – and if you can’t do it, you need someone else – sometimes it takes dozens of times hearing something for it to click into your awareness.
Each one of you has relationship issues very different from what mine were. Your beliefs and conditionings involved are also different. To put everyone into the same solution basket is asinine. Yet so many professionals think they have a ready-made plan for you to solve all your issues.
Instead you want to become more familiar with the type of beliefs and conditionings involved in different types of relationship problems.
First, let me share my story.
I was overwhelmed one day with surprise and grief when a mild, gentle dispositioned person accused me of wasting her time with what I was chatting about. It wasn’t that she was disagreeing with me – hey we all disagree with each other on most things! It was the tone and angry manner she attacked me with. What’s more, she did it vehemently in front of several colleagues, smirking as she looked sideways to see if her attack was well received.
This happened more than once for me throughout my careers.
So when I began learning coaching and self-discovery work, I used this as the principle issue to work out. It was my biggest roadblock to my success and feeling good about myself.
I had help from a colleague of mine who can also read energy and she helped me pinpoint the location of the block that kept me emotionally abused and attacked.
The outside reflects the inside and I was about to discover a painful experience that was embedded like a parasite within me.
I received an image during the meditation exercise I used to see where the block to my natural essences sat ….. a little girl beating and banging a raggedy doll, flipping and flopping it against the ground and stones while mumbling to her dolly, "Shhh, keep quiet." "No." "Listen to me!" "Your idea sucks!" "No you can't… no you can't…. NO YOU CAN'T!"
I recognized that how I treated that doll was my perception of how I was treated. And what’s more, that’s how I believed one was to be treated!
My miracle came when I took that image deeper and saw myself as the 6 year old, sad, seated at the dinner table, holding a spoon, very sad that I couldn't do what I wanted.
I don't particularly know what it was I wanted to do or go, however, the scene resonated with such power, I knew in that moment, what I had something big to release in order for me to escape the perceived bondage of attracting angry people, holding back financially, intuitively and finally owning my own power!
The process to release stuck energy is simple and powerfully effective. I will share more in a later post.
What I wanted you to really get here is that a seemingly insignificant occurrence at a young or other age can and does get stuck energetically and can create havoc in our lives!
I would not have considered that that little girl believed that pounding a dolly and verbally shutting her out was a natural way of communicating! Would you? Yet, that had been my experience and I didn’t know why!
Releasing the energetic block has allowed me to feel calm, grace and gratitude! And that’s what people around me sense now instead of the energetic block of fear and “abuse me” sign flashing from my forehead!
Your blocks could comprise negative self-esteem beliefs from the specific beliefs and conditionings related to your specific problems.
Beliefs like I’m not good enough, I’m not important, I’m powerless, I’m not deserving, and so many more are a partial cause of almost any relationship problem.
The same applies to your relationship with mon^y, or time off, home and clothes. Inanimate objects are not excluded from energetic blocks.
Please let me know your thoughts about what makes your relationships work and not work. I love to learn more. I teach and coach people to break though into awareness and bust through fears and frustrations to have more of what they want.
Let’s look at another example.
You want to take a nice, long, big trip – let’s say to Hawaii with your significant other. It would cost at least $5,000 for air fair and accommodation. Some spending money and so forth (more or less).
From an action point of view, you look over your budget and expenses and decide that you could set aside a certain amount each month until you collect the full amount.
Or you’re waiting for a tax refund. Or you believe you’ve receive a gift.
Then you decide how soon you want go. You have some details to handle, and if you’re saving, divide the $5,000 by months to go and save the amount per month.
You want to go in 2 months – 2500/mo = will that work? No? So then what?
Check how it feels to you to plan the trip, save the money, wait if you have to, made arrangements and whatever else you are thinking at the time of the goal.
You may be thinking and evaluating your frivolous purchases and decide NOT to spend on that extra bottles of wine, that extra expensive latte, or an extra pair of shoes or clothing.
The other option is to earn more. What are you doing and how much time will you take to increase the amount for your trip?
Examine how you are feeling and what you are thinking as you plan this out.
You will discover some clues as to whether you have a good relationship with money, with vacations, with your significant other, and whether the whole process stresses the heck out of you!
The other important element I want you to see here is that the decisions you make or don’t make in your life are the direct results of what you believe about yourself.
I mentioned this before and I want to restate it here.
Over 90% of the beliefs controlling how you live out your life are NOT YOURS! Less than 10% are yours and can be shifted. The other 90% don’t belong to you so you can’t make any adjustments on them. They’re not yours to adjust. So you must release them instead!
What I’m also saying is that no matter which action you take to save or increase income to fulfill your goal of a trip to Hawaii, if you stumble, quit, go into debt, or in some way make yourself feel bad and stressed, you have a belief inside that is getting the way of you experiencing a smooth and happy objective.
Test it out for yourself. Pick a goal. Now listen to the story you tell yourself about whether you can achieve it or not.
That’s how you will find the block.
Until next time, have a wonderful day and great job!